impromptu adventure

So yesterday, in the space of about 30 minutes, I managed to do most of the things that my mother has spent my entire life warning me not to-- with the exception of getting pregnant.

It all started when I wanted a banana. As I was getting the banana, I looked out the window and my dog was looking down at the road in an odd manner and making these strange barking noises. So I went out onto the porch and dropped my banana in horror-- my three horses and the donkey were in the process of galloping full tilt up the road towards the really busy road...for those of you who do not have horses please understand that if you did have horses, then this would be your worst nightmare-- your horse can slip and break a leg on the asphalt, step on a nail, get caught in something, or get hit by a car. Basically, the life of a horse is one long suicide attempt.

So in this thirty minutes, here is what happened:

1. I leave home without telling my family-- I am sprinting up the road with a halter and a lead rope as my horses disappear over a hill.
2. I realize that I have no shoes on.
3. An elderly man stops to ask me if I need to call someone. I obviously look very desperate. He cannot remember any number that I ask him to dial and will not let me hold the phone because he is obviously afraid that I will take off sprinting up the road with it. "Never mind, sir."
4. I get in a car with three complete strangers and we completely break the speed limit to catch up with the horses.
5. While I am in the car, I borrow a cell phone and dial my home number and instruct Strange Woman #1 to leave a message explaining that I am running after our horses in a cemetery off the main road. She leaves a message on the machine, "Hello, this is Rhonda..."
6. The horses are heading diagonally across the cemetery, so I cut across and reach the main road before they do and proceed to stopping traffic both ways so that the horses wouldn't get hit (you gain a whole new appreciation for the natural stamina and athleticism of a horse when chasing one on foot-- much less chasing three of them). The expressions on the faces of drivers are priceless.
7. The horses gallop several hundred yards down the main road, miraculously escaping certain death and almost running over several workmen who try to catch them. They turn into a subdivision where we commence to ruining several yards and scaring an indignant-looking older woman and her poodle to death.
8. I become aware of the fact that there is now a small procession of strange people in their vehicles following me wherever I go.
9. I catch one horse and the other horses and the donkey continue running because they don't care about him seeing as he is not the alpha horse. They decide to run back up towards the main road. I talk to the horse that I am now dragging behind me as I run-- "See, Rocky, they don't care about you at all." Stupid equine pecking order.
10. Somehow, Rocky and I beat the other horses up to the main road. Apparently, traffic will stop much more quickly for a girl and a horse than it will for just a girl.
11. I catch up with the other two horses in the cemetery where they are generally doing a very wonderful job of defiling everything. I catch my horse, Tom, and then start trying to catch the third horse. I realize that I don't have anything to hold him with. A helpful bystander offers me his belt.
12. Another helpful bystander (not the man with the belt) produces a rope from the back of his truck and catches Frosty. He offers to help me take the horses back home and I accept. He obviously wants to have a conversation and starts it out like this: "Well, I know exactly how you feel, because sometimes my labs get loose..." I stifle the urge to scream.
13. My family shows up-- they have extra lead ropes. I am so happy and I cheerfully wave goodbye to Rhonda & Company and start home. The donkey follows the horses and trots happily along the center of the road as if this is all completely normal...